Now or Never
by FallingWords
Summary: It's been years of cat and mouse, but will anyone have the courage to end it? A Jude and Tommy one shot. Song by Josh Groban


**I watch the morning dawn upon your skin**

The soft morning light of the sun streamed through the windows, the sheer pale curtains diffused the light across the room. Jude's eyes fluttered open as the warmth of the sun bathed her exposed skin.

**A splinter in the light**

She turned and saw the sleeping form beside her, a small smiled flitted across her features before she felt salty tears prick at her eyes, begging to spill over the delicate lids.

Careful not to wake him, she sat up, her back resting against the headboard before she drew her knees up to her chest, resting her forehead on them, feeling the hot tears fall from the gentle curve of her cheeks on to the fabric she swathed her body in.

**It caught and frayed the very heart of us**

He continued to sleep, completely unaware of the broken girl by his side.

It was a never ending cycle. The same mistakes made each time. It would start out platonic enough, a casual invitation to dinner. He would smile at her from across the table, and she would shyly reciprocate, looking down more than she looked at him.

**It's been hiding there inside for all this time**

She would welcome him inside, and he would refuse at first. He always did, and yet they ended up this way each time.

Flashes of the night before would haunt her, her heart would skip a beat as she remembered the way he made her feel. How his hands felt cradling her body against his, his mouth on her skin.

**How a sure thing winds up just like this**

The look of ecstasy on his face would forever be burned into her mind. Followed by how serene and peaceful he looked in the morning, still sleeping.

What he didn't realize was she cried each morning. She would let her heart be tattered and trampled for the possibility of him whispering he loved her before drifting off to sleep. 

**Clockwork silence only knows**

They danced around this for years since they had met. Neither willing to make the first move and potentially getting hurt. Everyone saw the games they played and just shook their heads at the pair.

Their friends tried to promise them and convince them otherwise. 'Just go for it.' rang in their ears and yet neither was willing to take the chance.

**Sleeping anxious still at 3 am**

She often awoke in the middle of the night, shifting slightly to read the clock. He would without fail, unconsciously wrap his arm around her bare torso to pull her closer. He would at least stay through the night.

**We're trying far too hard**

She always had the mornings to herself, to berate herself privately before he awoke, a groggy smile on his face when he finally recalled the night before. 

It was the same routine over and over again, and neither of them made any attempts to change the tried and true method.

**The tattered thought balloons above our heads**

She assumed he had no problems with their arrangement though he often told Kwest otherwise. He would just shake his head while looking at the girl on the other side of the glass booth.

She had vowed to him to never fall again, and he just assumed this was a purely physical arrangement she wanted, he never wanted to go up to her apartment but he never wanted to let her down either.

**Sinking in the weight of all we need to say**

Once he acquiesced, he would silently pray while disrobing her that it would be more than sex this time. 

It killed him to touch and hold her as if he was her lover, but to know that he was nothing but a means to an end.  
**  
Why's and what if's have since long played out**

She felt him shift next to her but thought he was still asleep until she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder. She hastily wiped her eyes and pulled the sheet tighter around her body before getting out of the bed.

**Left us short on happy endings**

Gathering up his clothes for him, she set them on the bed before turning to head towards the bathroom.

"Jude." His voice still hoarse from sleep. She turned and looked at him, her head tilted as she studied him.

"I think you should go."

Nodding slowly he pulled himself to sitting in the bed as he watched Jude disappear into the bathroom.

**And it's no one's fault**

Once the door was closed behind her and the water for the bathtub was running, Tommy slowly climbed out of bed, putting on his clothes from the night before. He caught a glance of himself in the mirror before walked out of the bedroom and his appearance startled him.

Running a hand through his dark hair, he appraised how hallow he looked. The circles under his eyes were unmistakable; his cheeks were sunken in from his lack of eating.

Nothing appealed to him anymore, in this life of his without Jude.  
**  
There's no black and white**

Squeezing his eyes shut tightly hoping to make this all go away, when they opened, everything was still the same.

He walked to the dresser and grabbed his wallet and keys before leaving the room without so much as a glance back.

**Only you and me**

Once the water ran cold and Jude sat in the bathtub shivering she finally pulled her abused body out of the water, the pristine white robe she pulled around her frame somewhat of a mockery.

Her hair was pushed back away from her face, and the remnants of mascara and eyeliner smudged beneath her eyes making her look even more tired and worn down.

**On this final night**

She wanted nothing more than to call her older sister and cry. Every time she closed her eyes, flashes of every touch, caress, and kiss played in her mind's eye. Chills ran through her body and she instinctively pulled the robe closer to her frame as she made her way to the kitchen.

**And as the hours run away**

As she shuffled into the living room she jumped as she saw him sitting on the couch, he was hunched over with his elbows resting on his knees and his head in his hands.

Sniffling lightly she cleared her throat before speaking, "I thought I told you to go?" She had spoken so quietly, she wasn't sure of the words had actually left her mouth when Tommy didn't move on the couch.

After what seemed like an eternity had passed, he sat up and turned around to look at her, his eyes red and puffy from crying.

**With another life**

"Why don't you ever want me to stay?" His voice broke as he stared at her.

"Don't do this Tommy, please-" Jude sighed, not wanting to get into it. Why was today different, why did he want to make things different today.

"No." He shook his head at her, standing up. "Why do you always make me leave?"

"What am I supposed to do?" She looked at him incredulously.

"Let me stay. Let me cook you breakfast. Let me love you." His voice rose with each statement, his emotions getting the best of him.

**Oh, darling can't you see**

"Come on Tommy, we both know that's not what you want."

"Why won't you let me love you?"

"Why can't you just fuck me and leave like anyone else!" Jude snapped, shouting at him, the tears streaming down her face. Her body shook with the strangled sobs she tried to hold in unsuccessfully.

Moving towards her he reached out for her, but she retaliated by hitting him away as hard as she could. "No! Get out!"

**It's now or never**

"No." His voice was firm, as he refused to move.

"Go!" She screamed at him, her voice giving out on her and going hoarse.

"I said, no." He tightly grabbed a hold of her arms and pulled her closer to him, his arms wrapping around her body as she continued to shake. "I'm not going anywhere."  
**  
You know that there's so much more**


End file.
